/. EDITED !

Probably this shall be the last post I've .

Well last night . I told Joey that I'm skipping club that night and I returned to my room having a call. But in the end, I still cabbed down to club . Everybody was shocked . Why did I return back ? Well, because I'm really sick and tired of my life. He told me, why do i want to return to that kind of like when I've alr left it. Frankly, who wants? Because I couldn't get him to love me anymore, I want him to hate me. I would rather he hate me than to forget about me. Sounds ironic ? Well, one will only hate someone when they meant smth. At least when one hates you, you're still in that person. Yea, I'm doing everything that he hates, everything that he once forbid me to do. I broke another glass, I cut myself again. I asked, why don't I feel any pain. They said, because some other pain had taken over it. It's silly to cut yourself. Do you want him to be back because he pity you? Frankly , idk. Sometimes I wished so, sometimes I doesn't want. I'm contradicting ..

Drank so much with a empty stomach and yes, I'm having bad gastric.

Kendrick asked me "dont you hate him for hurting you? Do you still wanna go back with him? If you want be back, why even ask for a break in the first place? Even if you both are back tgt, are you sure he'll be true to you? Are you sure he won't do things behind your back again? Are you sure he won't fall for someone else?"
I was speechless. I ended up replying myself. I don't hate him, well I'm the one who is willing to step into this rs. Yes I wanna be back, I'm not afraid of hurts, I just want. I even told Yvonne and Wyman that i would changed to be a better girlfr so I went to his house wanting to surprise him. I forgived him eventho he said this rs wouldnt last.. Just that when i decided to change, we broke up. I'm just too late. Because i dont wanna tired him out anymore in the first place but I realized I can't do without him. Sorry I'm selfish. I'm not sure, I'm really unsure. It's all depends on him. If he really love me, we'll find a way out to solve everything .

Wyman headed down to club last night after getting a call that I'm back to club. I wasn't looking alright, he thought I'm on drug. Well, I replied him. I'm not, not till the last moment. He's gonna hate me if I do, and I know once I swallow that pill, we're totally over. Im still being hopeful eventho i know nothing much will come out of it. Thanks bestfriend. I really don't know who I can really trust now. I'm really lost. Don't betray my trust, don't ever tell others what's wrong with my body. Please.. I wanted to let him know that probably I'm dying soon.. But you slap me and told me, a love from sympathy won't go far.. I don't want him to pity me.. God, what shit am I doing..

Olevel chinese paper next week. I don't feel like taking. I don't even feel like going for the intensive.. I'm giving up in life, yes Melvin was right.

I really wanna know the truth, I'm still being hopeful. You've made your words sounds mean alr, why am I not believing .. Why do I keep thinking that theres a truth, truth that you still love me and you're just afraid of hurting me.. What's wrong with me.. Because you seems like you still care. But you said, because we're still friends. I know im irritating the shit out of you, im sorry.. Well, after pestering you to tell me. You told me, you're having lesson and will tell me later. My heart broke down. I'm really afraid, I know it'll be bad news. I'm really unsure if you'll be reading.. You read last night because I forgotten I've included you in the group text too.. Will you still stalk my life? .. After the call we had last night, I went to all places we've been this 300days before deciding to go back to club and it's so painful.. How can you forget me? How can you forget bout all we had.. How can you fade all your feelings in few days..

想笑着附和说分开是好的
但我却怎么哭了
爱你很值得 只是该停了
我舍不得
可是时间回不去了
没有我你要好好的
我们错过的 错了就错了
我舍不得
最后一次抱紧你 了
亲爱的
有你牵着我的那些日子
真的好快乐
不用担心我
我走了.

Regards,
Irritating bitch that just got dump.

I don't need anyone that doesn't need me.
I'm sure I'd be better without.

DwayneChongYiDa's.2ndJanuary2012 Someone who lights up my life when everything seems so dim. Someone who stays by my side no matter what happens. Someone who bears all my short temper-ness and tantrums.

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No matter how tough life is, how rocky every path is, you'll never be able to get through without friends. Yes, I'm glad I do have heart warming friends who stays by my side no matter how of bitchy I am and how bad my mood swings is. To those that have been beside me during my fall, and emo period, I really appreciate what you guys did for me. Thank you ❤! Kellie Woon, Karen Fu, Wyman Lee, Shinny, Branson Lee, Jason Khoo, Yvonne, William Koh, Mic\ka, Nichelle Low, Wendy Choo, Lim Jia Yu, YunJie, Kathy, Perlina Ang, Michelle Ang, Jeff Khoo, Miko Tay, Joyce Yap, Cindy Tay, Clara Mok, Timo chong && STBBDCYD❤!